“The Slammin’ Salmon” (Directed by Kevin Heffernan, 2009)

“The Slammin’ Salmon” is a comedy revolving around a wait staff at a Miami restaurant owned by a former championship boxer. The boxer’s name is Cleon Salmon (played by Michael Clarke Duncan) hence the name of both the restaurant and the movie, and fittingly the restaurant serves seafood. This movie is produced by and stars the same group that created “Super Troopers” and “Beerfest”, and it barely lives up to even those low standards of quality. The jokes are often vulgar, the plot inexplicable, and laughs are hard to come by.
The vulgarity in this movie is constant. In the first few scenes Jay Chandrasekhar’s character Nutz has to clarify for his peer that he was joking when he said he, “made sweet hot love to an orangutan.” While crude humor like this can sometimes get big laughs, here it falls flat partly because of poor delivery, and partly because its just not a funny joke. That seems to be the problem with most of the jokes in the movie. They just do not incite much laughter, and the viewer is often left just trying to understand what the joke was supposed to mean. Duncan’s character’s favorite line in the movie is to tell whomever he’s chastising that he’ll shove, “blank up your ass!” He tells his employees that he will shove entire people up their asses, and even goes so far as to threaten an employee that he will, “shove your own ass up your ass!”
The story in this film makes just as little sense as the majority of the jokes. The crux of the plot is that Salmon is desperate for the restaurant to make $20,000 (more than they’ve ever made in one night) and will go to any lengths to motivate his wait staff to get it done. Even though the reason for the desperation is clearly statedProxy-Connection: keep-alive
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0(Duncan’s character owes the yakuza $20,000 for a debt from gambling on Japanese albino hunting and he is currently cash strapped) it still seems completely inexplicable. Furthermore, his method of motivation is nonsense as well. He first offers Norah Jones tickets to the top seller of the night. When that barely gets anyone jumping to sell fish, he ups it to a 4-day spa vacation, and eventually in desperation ups the prize to $10,000 cash for the best waiter. Why would someone who needs $20,000 offer $10,000? It might be a joke but it is not funny.
This prize pot does the trick and for the rest of the film the wait staff is shown running around the restaurant like lunatics trying to sell the most seafood. While this war is waged the predictable gross food service jokes come a mile a minute, and usually miss the mark. Pass on this one, it’s a little undercooked.

M.I.A. at The Vic Theater 9/30/2010

            M.I.A. made two appearances at the Vic in Chicago in support of her recent release “MAYA.” The second show on September 30 showcased M.I.A. performing several tracks from her new album as well as many highlights from the rest of her catalogue. She appeared dazzling as always, though in a toned down wardrobe of jeans and shiny top, which she later covered to market a t-shirt you could pick up at merchandise. The stage included a raised DJ, background dancers shaking it in burkas, a girl doing the requisite (but not overbearing) hyping and dancing with the “rah rah” contingency, and a large screen in back shining mega-pixelated video. The absence of superfluous details in the visual production and performance allowed the music to make the statement, with M.I.A. seeming intent and focused to celebrate the edge and groove often under appreciated on her new album.

            Perhaps to contrast the tone of her new material with the old, the halves of the show were inversely weighted between the two. A quick hit of the conspiratorial new intro “The Message” off “MAYA” was followed by raucously delivered selections like “World Town” and “Galang.” A joyous mood developed as die hard "Kala" fans salivated for the ecstatic satisfaction of hits like “Boyz”, “Paper Planes” and “Bamboo Banga” that was looming.

            The aural release was strung out through the end of the show as this trilogy of "Kala" classics was interspersed with new songs. First came “Lovalot”, one of the more sparse tracks on the album. The massive volume helped the song evolve into a confrontational and monstrous banger. The mid tempo cover of Spectral Display’s synth-reggae jam “It Takes A Muscle” signaled half-time, and gave everybody an upbeat breather from the pounding dance beats. The break was short lived as “Boyz” brought the rave back up and did not relent until the pre encore set was brought to an end by the aggression of “Born Free.” Like all the new songs she played, all the step inducing rhythms were hyped up and amplified to the point where any pretense against it was overwhelmed by the need to move (or in the case of “Born Free,” to defiantly pump fists).

            M.I.A. emanates so much charm out of her small frame that it is easy for her to give a successful show based solely on cuteness and charm (like many current pop stars seem content to do). However, her  music allows her to wear jeans and a t-shirt and display the quality of her songs ahead of her physical appeal. While great on record, blasted live, her beats get funkier, her defiance boils over, and the message stays present without her resorting to preaching between songs (yes, those burka robed dancers are most likely an attempt at a statement). The message is in the music, and becomes clearer at the high volume of a live show. Where other hip-hop or dance shows quickly get dull because little live is happening besides distracting light shows, flatly shouted vocals, and the usually tiring turntablism, M.I.A. dropped the charade and let the music stand for itself. The result was more than adequate. Anybody leaving let down by the show at least had the one consolation always consistent at an M.I.A. show, being in a room with the cutest chick on the planet. And if none of that can make you happy, at least she played that song from “Slumdog Millionaire.”